WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY? EPISODE 1: STATIC

Written by James Oliva

Produced by Alexander Danner

WHAT IS THE FREQUENCY – EPISODE 1: STATIC INT. THE NOTHINGNESS –

CLICK.

STATIC.

The static dissipates and a conversation in progress comes into focus.

SNIFF.

DETECTIVE CHARLES

My head was still pounding from the night before. To make matters worse Laura’s words still rattled around my skull like those kids toys where you try to get the ball in hole and I’m the ball. The crime scene was mess. Third one in as many weeks. Hate to be the galoot stuck putting all of Humpty’s pieces back together again. Poor Donald, good man but an all day sucker if I’ve ever met one. I needed to get his statement on record and get it quick if I was going to keep this shiny new promotion.

DETECTIVE CHARLES

So you came by for brunch to find your brother standing over the victims?

DONALD

Yes sir.

DETECTIVE CHARLES

Then what happened?

DONALD

God… it was so…

DETECTIVE CHARLES

Please Don. Compose yourself. There are women present.

DONALD

Sorry. You’re right.

DONALD (CONT’D)

He was standing over their bodies. Having just done… his wife and daughter… so many pieces. And then he just plunged the axe… right into his skull!

DETECTIVE CHARLES

Did he say anything to you? Anything at all?

DONALD

Yes. He said… What is the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What’s the frequency?… What’s the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What is the frequency?… What’s the fre-

INT. SECOND FLOOR OFFICE – NIGHT CLICK.

Silence.

WALTER

And this junk passes for entertainment? Hm.

WALTER

Hm. You are around here somewhere.

WHITNEY

Hey!

He lets out a nervous chuckle.

WHITNEY

Hey!

WALTER

Come on… I just know…

WHITNEY

Hey! Troubles!… Hello…?

WHITNEY

Hey!

WALTER

I hear you Whit. I choose not to answer. Just… keep watching the hallway. I’m almost there.

WHITNEY

Great. All’s clear. I’ll be down the hall if you need me.

WALTER

Cheers. Let me know how it all works out.

WHITNEY

And will you hurry up!

WALTER

Damn it!…  I was certain… hmm… Well Walter? What do you make of that shelf right there? Mmhmm. Seems to have some odd proportions Walter. Mm, mm, mm. A closer look will tell all.

POP.

WALTER

Tsk, Tsk. Sneaky little devil. No false panel has ever been made that Walter Mix couldn’t sniff out. Just. Like. That-

CLICK

WALTER

Hello secret ledger… Hm.

WALTER

Oh! Hello.

KROG

Hey! Wuz yous doin’ up ‘ear?

WALTER

Excuse me?

KROG

Ware’s my radio show?

WALTER

Dear lord! You’re kidding right?

Walter Chuckles.

KROG

Sumting funny ta yous?

WALTER

Dear fellow! The show was dreadful! The acting?!? Laughable. The dialogue! Monkeys could write a better script.

KROG

Munkees?

WALTER

Yes!!! Monkeys! Who narrates their thoughts like that out loud?!?

KROG

Yous got a smart mouf.

WALTER

Before you do anything rash I need to inform you in the matter of seconds a woman a quarter of your size is about to put you down for the count.

KROG

Wha laydee?

WALTER

The one tiptoeing right behind you!

KROG

Oh… smart man gonna git it now.

WALTER

All yours.

Whitney wallops Krog across the back of the head. He hits the floor with a heavy thud.

WALTER

Exactly according to plan.

WHITNEY

Troubles…

WALTER

Smashing good job Whit! Jolly good!

WHITENY

Thank God you never shut up. Do you think anybody heard that?

WALTER

Catch!

Walter flings the one of the ledgers over to Whitney. It awkwardly lands against her chest.

WHITNEY

Ugh! You managed to find it! Look at that!

WALTER

Ready the car. I’ll tidy up things here.

WHITNEY

Why? What for?

WALTER

I… have a… replacement ledger! Should buy us a short period of time before anyone comes looking for us.

WHITNEY

Oh, Right! You are so smart sometimes.

WALTER

Whit… for that… I’m buying you a banana split.

WHITNEY

Hurry up then. Banana splits don’t eat themselves!

INT. NOTHINGNESS –

STATIC.

A faint voices can be heard trying come through. Slowly the static fades and we resume our scene.

INT. SECOND FLOOR OFFICE – NIGHT

WALTER

And just like THAT… it’s like we were never-

A very large fist smashes into Walter’s jaw.

WALTER

Ooh- …Oh… Check please?

KROG

Ha ha ha. Youz not so shmart now.

Krog hits Walter Repeatedly.

WALTER

WAIT!

KROG

What faw?

Walter coughs. Sirens can be heard in the distance.

WALTER

Come on! You can’t expect me to fight two of you!

KROG

Huh?

WALTER

Behind you.

Walter hits Krog with a phone.

KROG

Ow! I’m bleedin! You… dirty sonofa-

Walter hits him repeatedly with the phone.

Krog grabs Walter by the lapels and runs him at the window.

WALTER

Nonononono… Window, window, WINDOW!!!

INT. WALTER’S CAR PARKED – NIGHT

Whitney is sitting in their car waiting for Walter.

WHITNEY

Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety nine bottles…

Whitney makes a mouth fart.

WHITNEY

Ah… Bored…

She hums to herself

WHITNEY

Maybe I should go check on him… I’m sure he’s fine. Anyway… okay, let’s see. Let’s see.

RADIO STATIC

WHITNEY

Interesting….

More radio sounds.

WHITNEY

That… is weird. So. Special ledger. Let’s take a looks shall we.

She flips through pages of the ledger.

WHITNEY
Names I don’t know… names I don’t know… of course… boring names… numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers…. Numbers, numbers, numbers! Meh-

She drops the ledger

WHITNEY

I hope your boring book was worth cheesing off the worst crime family in L.A.! Dumb stupid radio!

She begins to hit the radio.

WHITNEY
Work! Work! Work! I want to hear something! I’m bored… I’m bored!… This is taking forever. What in the world is taking so long? I guess I’m just destined to complain to myself, without anyone hearing me.

Pause.

WHITNEY

You know radio, it’s your loss, yours! Because I’m not going to go out of my way to talk to you if you’re not going to play anything and entertain me! You’re very bad at your job. You need some positivity in your life. That’s what it is. I will feed you a banana. See how you’ll like it. You’ll like it.

She laughs to herself.

WHITNEY

Hurry up! Can’t think. I’ve got banana split on the brain. I’ve got- guess what. You’ll never guess. No guesses? Banana splits! That’s right. I’ve got banana split on the brain.

She begins to sing to herself.

WHITNEY

I should check on him.

Glass SHATTERS.

WALTER

WINDOW!

CRASH!

WHITNEY

Troubles?

INT. THE NOTHINGNESS – LOW STATIC.

SLICK

Ladies, does your man come home from hard days work only to seem less than excited by the meal you prepared? At Spishak we want nothing more than your home life to be the very best. That’s why your kitchen needs Shimmer Sheen spray. A product brought to perfection by our finest Spishak foodologists, Shimmer Sheen food spray makes every meal sparkle. It will have you little ones saying-

BOY

Gee ma! That chicken leg sure looks beautiful!

SLICK

And your husband will appreciate it too-

HUSBAND

Wow! Just look at that meal sparkle!

SLICK

Made specifically for suburban life consumption! You’ll never have a dull, lifeless meal again.

DISTORTION and STATIC.

INT. OF TAILOR SHOP – NIGHT

DORY

Are we all locked up?

HAROLD

It would seem so dear. What day is today?

DORY

Thursday.

HAROLD

So it’s pot roast?

DORY

Maybe.

HAROLD

But I love your pot roast!

DORY

Some Thursday I just may surprise you with something different.

HAROLD

Like your rump roast.

DORY (slight giggle)

You’re terrible.

HAROLD

What?!? I love your rump roast.

DORY

I did pick up that shimmer sheen spray they’ve been advertising, so hurry up! Let’s get up stairs! Love, Honor and Decay will be on soon.

HAROLD

Oh yeah. Don’t want to miss that. A shiny dinner and our favorite program. I’ll count the till in the morning.

DORY

Come on slow poke. Scoot upstairs and settle in.

HAROLD

Dory! So… was I right?

DORY

About?

HAROLD

Pot roast?

DORY (chuckling)

You’re too much Harold. Get going.

INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPT. – NIGHT

BUSY OFFICE SOUNDS.

OFFICER KEETS approaches and drops a handful of papers onto BARTON WOO’s desk.

KEETS

Three more to add to the fire… What? No appreciation?

Barton goes back to the paperwork.

Silence.

KEETS

Don’t worry Barton. I’m sure you’ll be out of the doghouse soon. Maybe get another shot at patrol… maybe even back on track to detective. Alright. You’re mad. Not exactly the attitude that gets you out of desk duty.

BARTON

Mad? I’m mad because you dump three more papers onto my desk?!? No Keets. I’m mad because someone deliberately stole my lunch out of my desk drawer!

KEETS

I’ll be-

BARTON

It was a ham and swiss on rye with mustard… and- and relish! Stolen like I was a rookie!

KEETS

Sounded tasty.

BARTON

It was going to be.

KEETS

Well then! There you have it, Barton. Your first case to solve.

Pause

Keets walks away

KEETS (chuckling)

You solve this and uh, you’re well on way to promotion.

OFFICER GANS approaches the desk.

GANS

Hey Barton?

BARTON

What?!?

GANS

We got Troubles.

BARTON

Tell me about it.

GANS

No the other kind.

BARTON

Mix?

GANS

Back in the holding tank. He’s asking for you.

BARTON

Great. Perfect ending to the day.

He gets up from his desk.

BARTON

How long has he been here?

GANS

Boys brought him in an hour ago with some ugly giant slab of meat. Apparently they fought their way out two story window.

Gans makes a glass breaking noise and sound of them falling then landing on a car.

BARTON

Have to file these first.

GANS

Okay.

BARTON

Gans!

GANS

Yes.

BARTON

Did you just come back from break?

GANS

How’d you know?

BARTON

Clean yourself up. You still have mustard on your cheek.

 

INT. THE NOTHINGNESS –

CLICK.

STATIC rises and fades. Door CREAKS open.

DONALD

Louise?!? I’m home!

LOUISE

Oh Donald! Thank goodness you’re here.

DONALD

Dear, what is it?

LOUISE

Neville. He was here looking for your brother’s book.

DONALD

James’ book?

LOUISE

He… he scares me Donald.

DONALD

Scoundrel! He better not have laid one finger-

LOUISE

No. I’m alright. It’s just I’m afraid of what he might do next if we don’t give him the book. What should we do? Can you speak to James-

DONALD

Sweetheart. Something terrible has happen…

LOUISE

Come on with it Donald. You’ve got my nerves on edge.

DONALD

It’s James… he’s done something… horrific. He-

INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPT. HOLDING CELL – NIGHT

WALTER

So I have my hand way up there and SHE has me by my ankles, holding on for dear life!

BOOTS

By the ankles!

WALTER

Finally we’re out of gas and she turns to me and says “If you worked any harder I was going to have you fill out a W2”!

Boots busts out in laughter.

BOOTS

That’s funny.

BARTON

Hey, hey, hey. Quiet it down in here. It’s a holding cell not a bar room.

WALTER

Finally! Did you process me out yet?

BARTON

How many times? Troubles, I keep finding myself pulling you out the jam.

WALTER

Yes, mother.

BOOTS

Mother?

BARTON

I’m an officer of the law. My job is slightly broader than playing house mom to you.

WALTER

Say would you have stick of gum?

BARTON

Are you listening to me?

WALTER

Every word mother.

BOOTS

Mother!!!

BARTON

As you are aware… I always have some gum.

WALTER

Yup.

WALTER (CONT’D)

Can you put it in my mouth? Arms in a sling. Fell from a window.

Pause.

WALTER

Hm. Mighty brave of you.

BARTON (hushed)

To the point. Any progress-

WALTER

On?

BARTON (hushed)

The ledge-

WALTER

The what?

BARTON

Did you get-

WALTER

The what?

BARTON

Did you get-

WALTER

This gum is so loud. You know what? This gum is causing a lot of problems.

BARTON

You’re a child.

Walter spits the gum out.

WALTER

You were saying? The ledger?

Barton shushes him.

WALTER

Oh. Are we not safe?

BARTON

Where is it?

WALTER

Somewhere. Will you be opening these bars anytime soon? Come on. Process me out of here. I’ll get back to my place get you the ledger. Heck I’ll buy you a beer.

BOOTS

The man said he’ll buy you a beer!

BARTON

Boots! You have enough problems.

WALTER

What do you say pal?

BOOTS

Be the guy’s pal!

Barton unlocks the cell door.

BARTON

Get out of here.

WALTER

You knew you were gonna do that.

BARTON
Get going.

WALTER

Next time, just lead with letting me out. Just be a pal.

BARTON

Not your pal.

WALTER

Sure you are.

INT. THE NOTHINGNESS –

STATIC and NOISE ungulate. Inaudible overlapping voices weave in and out of the static. Gradually they fade and disappear.

INT. WATLER’S OFFICE APT. – NIGHT

Walter fumbles through the door.

WALTER

Whit?

Whitney clears her throat.

WALTER

There you are! Be a dear and turn on a light.

She pulls the chain on his desk lamp.

WHITNEY

Must I be with you at all times?

WALTER

I’m fine. Really.

She tosses a bag of ice at him.

WHITNEY

Here.

WALTER

Yikes! Cold!

WHITNEY

Sit down on the couch.

WALTER

This is for…?

WHITNEY

Sit down on the couch.

Pause.

WHITNEY

Put it on your left hip. You walked in with a hitch in your step. Figured by the time you got back here-

WALTER

The ledger?

WHITNEY

It’s here. In the safe. In the literal safe.

WALTER

Bravo.

WHITNEY
Lift your shirt.

WALTER

How about a bourbon?

Pause.

WALTER

Fine. Have at it.

WHITNEY

Your sentences sound a little-

WALTER

Ow! Momma!

WHITNEY

Oh- Sorry. Short… Hm… Not broken. Not cracked… But lucky.

WALTER

Enough poking.

WHITNEY

Bruised. Definitely bruised.

WALTER

Can I have a bourbon now? Or must I slither across the floor?

Ice is put in a glass.

WHITNEY

You owe me a banana split.

Walter makes a fart noise with his mouth.

WHITNEY

How dead are we?

WALTER

We’re three feet in but don’t worry we can still breath.

WHITNEY

Did you know you have a very unhealthy Barton obsession.

Hands him the drink.

WALTER

Could you avoid going through my private things?

WHITNEY

You don’t have private things. We’re practically the same person.

WALTER

So they tell me.

WHITNEY

Troubles.

WALTER

Yes Whit.

WHITNEY

A woman came by tonight. She needs our help.

WALTER

Would it be possible to finish this drink first. If it can wait till I’m on my second I’ll be dandy.

There’s a knock at the door. Whitney draws a gun.

WALTER

Put it away.

WHITNEY

Too late for a client.

Another knock on the door.

DELIVER GIRL(through the door)

Delivery for a Ms. Whitney?

WALTER

I believe that to be you. That is you right?

She opens the door.

DELIVER GIRL

Good night miss.

WHITNEY

What is it?

WALTER

Open it.

WHITNEY

It’s cold.

WALTER

Better hurry.

WHITNEY

Oh my gosh! Troubles!

WALTER

Tah-dah! Banana split.

INT. THE NOTHINGNESS –

CLICK.

STATIC constant. A voice tries to break through.

INT. TAYLOR SHOP UPSTAIRS APT. – NIGHT

SNORING.

Harold is sound asleep in bed.

HAROLD

Huh? Dory? Sweetheart?

He exits to the living room. Dory is huddled over the radio faintly mumbling.

HAROLD

Dory, what you’re you doin? Up for a little late night snack?

DORY (whispering)

WhatisthefrequencyHarold?Whatisthef requencyHarold?

HAROLD

I can’t hear you. You’re mumbling.

He puts his arm on her shoulder.

HAROLD

Come back to bed-

HAROLD (CONT’D)

What are you doing with tha-

THUNK.

Knife plunges into Harold

DORY

What’s the frequency Harold? What’s the frequency Harold? What’s the frequency Harold? What’s. The. Frequency!? What’s. The. Frequency!?

THUNK.

Knife plunges into Harold a few more times.

 

OUTRO:

What’s The Frequency was written and created by James Oliva.

Production and sound design by Alexander Danner.

What’s The Frequency’s theme music composed by Kurt C Nelson.

Please give us a follow on Twitter @wtfrequencypod. You can also find us on Facebook and Tumblr. You can even come visit us at our website wtfrequency.com Where you can find out more about our cast, crew and find free transcripts of our show.

We try very hard to keep you all informed as to the goings-on behind the scenes. Let us know what you think of the show by subscribing to us via iTunes and all other podcatchers out there. Feel free to leave us a review.

Do none of these thing do it for you? No? Okay… Okay… you can also contact us directly at wtfrequency@gmail.com  

Additional music and sounds used from public domain and creative commons sources.

We hope you’ve enjoyed our very first episode and implore you to stay tuned throughout the season… it’s going to be… a helluva ride.

We’d also like to give special thanks to Eli Baraza of Far Meridian, Daniel Baron of Yay!LA, Pacific Obadiah of Lake Clarity, Regan Adler of Oakpodcast and everyone in AD community for their support and kindness. You all have a friend for life in us.

As always I’m James Oliva and thank you.

Content Warnings:

• Explicit Violence
• Gore
• Domestic murder/suicide
• Reference to child murder
• Defenestration
• Alcohol
• Guns